The Eyes of the Bull

The itching ivy palms are my hands. 

The sensation hits before I open my mind to think of the words that will probably never echo out. 

I’ve been here. 

It’s the kind of familiar that you won’t ever be comfortable with.

It’s like being thrown over the railing into a whirlwind of angry water. 

The kind you don’t know how deep or how far it goes…

It’s murky with creatures that haven’t even been discovered yet. 

That’s the key. 

The unknown factor of the reaction.

You see, being the deliverer of truth and honesty is not an easy task. 

But it wasn’t meant to be. 

I’ve learned that from the good man I read about.

In the mirror, I see a lamb,

The follower of a shepherd.

But I feel the shepherd is guiding the lamb to possess the inner strength of a bull. 

Containing the fierceness to resist conformity. 

Having a craving for confrontation,

To confidently approach the enemy and the false words that drive lives into the lonely, hole of unsatisfaction and uncreativity. 

The eyes of the bull are focused and unfearful to fight at all costs…

To tell the world that life’s worth living. 

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Ivory Magnolia

The day was dawning…

Even though it seemed like the longest wait.

Her feet were stained of smudged soil and dirt.

They worked on, and moved forward,

through the season of drought that left her thirsty,

the season of flooding that left her with a loss of security,

and through the season of coldness that aimed at tugging away the last remaining drop of  joy within her heart.

This longing for contentment and satisfaction could not be gained from human effort or control.

The tug-a-war between doubt and confidence were ever present, until she saw the ivory magnolia.

So delicate, but strong.

So fragrant, but subtle.

The drought taught the magnolia to depend on something other than what it is told by the world, to need.

The flood prepared a way to remain strong within the unpredictable moments of life.

The frosted ice allowed it to develop the gift of endurance of pain and suffering to value humility.

Though the magnolia felt alone in the midst of the trial, there was meaningfulness to grasp onto and a mighty lesson to be learned.

Without the struggle, the magnolia’s appearance would be altered, and possibly not as rare as it appears today.

It very well may not have as much delicate, compassion towards the living,

or inner strength to combat the lies the mind and heart filter.

It very well may not have the fragrance of confident beauty that radiates out, from the love experienced within,

or the subtleness to not be moved by life’s imperfections and uncontrollable circumstances.

The ivory magnolia stands right where it belongs,

and that gave her great courage.

 

 

 

 

The Pursuit of Knowing Truth 

I want the world to know that this life is not about getting to heaven. 
It’s ultimately about knowing and uncovering the truth about God for who He truly is. 

It’s about learning His heart.

It’s not through feeling like we have accomplished many things we think He approves of, but about opening our heart to truly knowing Him. 

This world will always have opinions and mindsets about what He is, and about how we should live. 

We can’t know the truth about Him through learning by hearing and watching others experience Him. 

We must connect with Him ourselves, in our own intimate relationship. 

Having that uniquely, personal relationship with God will build meaning and purpose.

This will grow that desire and Love by starting the journey of knowing Him. 

It isn’t easy. That is the truth. 

There are many distractions, and the enemy will do everything to tell you lies that you are incapable and undeserving of truly knowing God. 

But God’s intention was always for you to know Him, and to help you become fully alive through that process. 

Be strong and fight for your right to know Truth. 

Numb

I can’t explain how I feel…

Everything just seems numb.

I’m hurt, I suppose.

Falling into a hole that I myself dug,

I don’t even have enough energy to find a way out.

So I sit in self-pity…

Disgusted.

Yea, that’s a start to explain somewhat how I feel.

but still trying to figure out if it’s with myself or with you…

Not sure what I should do.

I don’t need you, and right now I’m not even sure if I want you.

I know I love you,

but how far does love go until it’s run you ragged?

I’m pretty positive that love is much more peaceful than this.

My heart hurts, that’s for sure.

For being in this situation, and seeing you have to fight this battle without knowing what to do to get to the other side.

but honestly, I haven’t felt it in my heart or seen with my eyes you put forth hard-earned effort to see different patterns. 

That concerns me. 

And this world and it’s people will tell you that certain things are normal and to just accept it.

but you and I are wiser than that.

I don’t want to settle in walls of distrust.

I don’t want to spend days and moments of self-doubt and paranoia.

Though in the past I didn’t care about whether or not I was in that state forever, I’ve learned to care more about myself.

Anxiety isn’t something that should come natural, it’s a pattern from past experiences and now I have to find ways to overcome it.

So I pray and I seek His voice, and that helps if I listen. 

I need to start listening…

All.for.You.

poetry

Life gets busy,

and it’s hard. 

so hard.

my feet get sore. 

I can’t go on…

Sometimes it seems.
my thoughts get blurred, 

everything gets hazy.

I’m thankful though,

that you help me see…

so differently.
when the weight is on,

and I feel I’m drowning,

I remember I’m not alone.

your here. 

your near.

so closer than I know.

and I feel it in my bones.  
when I zoom out and refocus,

my fuzzy thoughts become more clear.

these things that are kept locked up,

 aren’t things I have to do.

a spark of joy shoots through me,

as I remember there all for you.

Opened Box

Wear your heart on your sleeve they say….

Be trusting and giving.

So, I’ll trust until it hurts.

I’ll be open and honest, almost too open and too honest…

Because people don’t truly like honesty.

And people want you to remain in a confined box.

One that won’t be opened.

Because if it opens, all your secrets come creeping out.

When your secrets are exposed, they will feel compelled to release theirs.

And that’s a scary thought.

So we stay in the dark, until we get so full of thoughts and emotions,

That they soon start leaking from our tired eyes.

Make it stop.

But it doesn’t…

At that point it’s way too late, you’re too far over that mountain.

So overwhelmed with grief as if something just died.

You’re hoping its the old you that has been alone inside.

Breathe.

Now all of you is in the open air.

Although it’s still overwhelming,

The weight is feeling lighter.

You finally feel okay to let it out.

“Why haven’t I always done this?” you wonder.

Now what once was grief is turning into something more angry…

All those voices that made you feel bad for feeling

are echoed in your watery head.

You make promises you hope to keep.

Not to anyone, but yourself.

You promise to always be open no matter what it might do.

You promise to finally start caring about you.

 

 

 

Try;

image

Try.
Even when you fail.
Even when you suceed.
Try, even when the work may make you bleed.

Try in the morning.
Try during the day.
Try at all times, even when life’s shit gets in the way.

Try during times of joy.
Try during times of pain.
Try even when the sky’s clouds are filled with heavy drops of rain.

Try for your lover.
Try for a friend.
Try for yourself, every now and then.

Try for a reason.
Even when you don’t see purpose.
Try, even when your life’s a freakin’ circus.

Try.
It’s really all you can do.
Try.
Because this life’s happiness depends all on you.

It depends on your actions.
It depends on your attitude.
So try, even though your feelings aren’t feelings of gratitude.

By trying you just might attract something good.
So try, even when not one person on this planet would.