Mud

“My heart it just ain’t right,
But I try with my might.” -Elle King

Heard these lyrics in a song and they stung. But in a good way. I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling like my heart just ain’t right.. and sometimes it’s easy to recieve grace and move along.

Other times though, feelings of guilt, confusion, and insecurity take over. A sense of being lost as to how to get back on track creeps in. It sort of feels like a wheel that’s stuck in super thick mud.

However, thank God for the gift of wisdom and being able to be awakened by awareness of “the why”. Even when the answer doesn’t totally make sense….external circumstances are inevitable, but in the past being able to rise above situations out of my control and keep going was not a huge challenge.

This time has been different.

This overwhelming presence of resistance has sat into my heart that has been difficult to shake. With it, I’ve judged myself. I’ve felt guilty for being down, for not having the faith to just brush it off, and for telling myself I shouldn’t be in this place.

I’ve judged others for having these picture perfect lives without ever having to (in my mind) struggle.

I’ve held onto resentments from past offenses or unmet expectations that have literally made my body ache.

I’ve compared my life and progress with those who’s stories aren’t meant to be mine.

And through this I am learning that I am slowly losing myself.

Losing some joy,

Some hope,

Some direction,

Some love.

And my spirit has felt that wound.

But I am not alone in experiencing a heartsick experience like this.

And in order for healing to be welcomed there must be an acceptance of:

1. This is where I’m at and that’s ok.

2. My journey is my own, no one else’s.

3. Most things are out of my control.

4. In order to get this wheel moving once again, I’ll need some help.

There also needs to be a “letting go”.

1. I’ll need to let go of the gas pedal…

2. I’ll also have to be willing to remove the objects, thoughts, and limitations as to what got me stuck in the first place.

3. And finally, letting go of the expectations I place on myself and my relationships… the voice that tells me I should be in a different place that I am.

Because I know if my foot keeps flooring the gas the way things are going right now, I’ll make an even bigger mess. One that would make life messier for myself and everyone around me.

Yes, my heart ain’t right. But with my might, I try. I search. And for those that value the Word, it says to ask, seek, knock…We must “die to ourselves” in order to have the life Jesus led. Die to our need to control, to fix, to compare, to understand all, to judge and condemn. Die to the things that harden our hearts and prevent us from being our naturally, free selves.

Our hearts our sick. We don’t truly know what we are doing or who we are all the time. We don’t know how to handle this beautiful, messy life. We don’t know how to truly love one another. But we are more than capable of learning. Applying. Changing. Transforming. Not perfectly, but in a way that makes a stubborn wheel stuck in mud move a little further. We must be open. We must be humble to acknowledge this and accept spiritual direction from something greater than ourselves.

Advertisements

True Identity

There is a lot that is being revealed…

Firstly, I want to begin by saying that the most vicious attacks that the enemy attempts are towards our identity.

Freedom comes from knowing truth. The truth that sin was never meant for us and that there is a way back to the Father, even though it has found a way into our hearts.

So when you stumble in sin, because we always will have this battle here, know that the voice inside that says you can’t try again, or you aren’t good enough, you are dirty, unteachable, and unlovable, is not the identity that is meant for you.

The Word says to be transformed by the renewal of your mind (Romans 12:2). So the enemy hides in our very minds, and we must recognize and train our thoughts and behaviors by reclaiming our God-given authority to overthrow and overpower it.

When a negative thought about yourself springs up, from a current mistake or even a past one, acknowledge it and redirect it with truth. Acknowledge the mistake, but separate it from your identity to move forward in another learned lesson. Deception and truth cannot rest in the same vessel, you have to choose which one you will believe.

This is one of the most profound and empowering lessons yet to uncover within my own walk, and Jesus was the perfect example of this. Despite all his struggles, criticisms, and rejections, in His walk on earth, he never questioned who He was (God’s Son) or why He was sent (to save the world and bring us back to the Father).

You are worth the fight. You are free to be who you are, alive and loved, all the time.

The Armor

We make it too easy,

For the one who’s name isn’t worthy of being mentioned,

But I will choose to call him out.

The serpent of old, accuser, and foe effortlessly recieves power. 

By replacing the truth of the matter with diagnoses, pride, fatigue, substance induced minds, and business, we continue to let his plans go unnoticed. 

Instead of calling the darkness by name, we give him room to grow and linger.

Instead of choosing to fight and join the war, we settle for complacent habits of self-medicating, accepting passionless lifestyles, and pressing on in our cyclic routines.

The vulnerability in the moments we struggle, suffer, and inebriate ourselves, give way to the enemy to slither in.

To protect your heart, means to be aware of his schemes.

To know your enemy,

You must be confident in what he is after…

He is after your joy in knowing that you are unconditionally loved by God,

And the peace of mind that comes from having no fear of death.

Pick up the shield.

 

1 Thessalonians 5


1 Thessalonians 5 is speaking to my heart this morning. I want so badly to be the person described…

“But let us who live in the light be clearheaded, protected by the armor of faith and Love, and wearing as our helmet the confidence of our salvation.”

“For God chose to save us through our Lord Jesus Christ, not to pour out his anger on us. Christ died for us so that, whether we are dead or alive when he returns, we can live with him forever. So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”

“We urge you to warn those who are lazy. Encourage those who are timid. Take tender care of those who are weak. Be patient with everyone.”

“Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”

“God will make this happen, for he who calls you is faithful.” 

State-of-mind

Enjoy the present moment. 

Leave the past behind. 

The future isn’t here yet…

It’s all a state-of-mind. 

Slowly, but surely, transforming…

That’s what I am choosing to believe. 

I am able to give Grace,

Because I’ve been shown it. 

I thank God for that.

I haven’t been the person God intended.

I’ve been anxious,

Controlling,

Doubtful,

Faithless,

Ungrateful…

A monster. 

But it’s not over,

The page is turning…

The leaves are changing colors.

The dead is starting to breathe, once again. 

Revived by God’s spirit,

Into something strong,

Steady,

And free. 

The Pursuit of Knowing Truth 

I want the world to know that this life is not about getting to heaven. 
It’s ultimately about knowing and uncovering the truth about God for who He truly is. 

It’s about learning His heart.

It’s not through feeling like we have accomplished many things we think He approves of, but about opening our heart to truly knowing Him. 

This world will always have opinions and mindsets about what He is, and about how we should live. 

We can’t know the truth about Him through learning by hearing and watching others experience Him. 

We must connect with Him ourselves, in our own intimate relationship. 

Having that uniquely, personal relationship with God will build meaning and purpose.

This will grow that desire and Love by starting the journey of knowing Him. 

It isn’t easy. That is the truth. 

There are many distractions, and the enemy will do everything to tell you lies that you are incapable and undeserving of truly knowing God. 

But God’s intention was always for you to know Him, and to help you become fully alive through that process. 

Be strong and fight for your right to know Truth. 

Advice 

Take yourself a little more seriously. 
Believe in the words that escape your mouth,

The ones that are spoken within you that often times leak out,

Believe in the spontaneous moments that are starving for your attention,

Believe in the beauty of nature, and how it is so mind-blowingly intricate that there must be a grand Creator.

Follow the beat of your heart that is good, by knowing it’s goodness derived from a sacred place. 

Know deep down that there is a bigger purpose and that your pre-destined role is needed. 

Apply the advice you humbly give. 

It was meant for you, before you gave it.