Numb

I can’t explain how I feel…

Everything just seems numb.

I’m hurt, I suppose.

Falling into a hole that I myself dug,

I don’t even have enough energy to find a way out.

So I sit in self-pity…

Disgusted.

Yea, that’s a start to explain somewhat how I feel.

but still trying to figure out if it’s with myself or with you…

Not sure what I should do.

I don’t need you, and right now I’m not even sure if I want you.

I know I love you,

but how far does love go until it’s run you ragged?

I’m pretty positive that love is much more peaceful than this.

My heart hurts, that’s for sure.

For being in this situation, and seeing you have to fight this battle without knowing what to do to get to the other side.

but honestly, I haven’t felt it in my heart or seen with my eyes you put forth hard-earned effort to see different patterns. 

That concerns me. 

And this world and it’s people will tell you that certain things are normal and to just accept it.

but you and I are wiser than that.

I don’t want to settle in walls of distrust.

I don’t want to spend days and moments of self-doubt and paranoia.

Though in the past I didn’t care about whether or not I was in that state forever, I’ve learned to care more about myself.

Anxiety isn’t something that should come natural, it’s a pattern from past experiences and now I have to find ways to overcome it.

So I pray and I seek His voice, and that helps if I listen. 

I need to start listening…

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