As I am sitting here at work in pain and anguish for the incidents of yesterday and the reactions of it from people I know. I am sitting here with a heavy heart, for the lives that were lost, for their families, for the man consumed with hate, for his family. I am sitting here listening to people talk about it as they come in and out, some that knew victims, some they were family to, some that have relatives in the hospital fighting for breaths. I am sitting here in disappointment in people, I’m not going to lie. As I’m sitting here, many times I was faced with an opportunity to pray with people to bring Jesus into their lives. I’m sitting here wondering why people aren’t open to having faith, because I can’t understand how they can live a life without it. I went into work today with intentions to help bring peace and prayer to those that came in and out, because I know what Jesus can do in their lives. I know He can bring restoration and healing to those that need it, because I have seen it done before. But then fear hits me like a brick, smack dab in the head and I chicken out. I’m then left with burning eyes, disappointment, and ask God why I’m so weak? A lie of course! But as I’m sitting here, I text a friend asking her for help and let her know this burden I’m faced with. She encourages me to still pray out loud for those that need it, because it’s just as powerful. So I do. In the process of my prayer, I explain to God with tears and frustration what’s on my heart and pray like I’ve never prayed before. I even throw in my conversation that “I don’t know if I’m doing this right or wrong, but I’m beyond frustrated at what people are doing. Their rejection of You, the way they turn to violence and fleshy type things, all of this I don’t understand. I ask Him to wake up those right now that don’t know your love and power, I pray that You blind them with Your presence.” I say these things all the while doing a daily task at work. I get a tug on my heart that says playfully, “Lauren, stop what your doing and just listen.” And I say back stubbornly, “I’m almost done.” So I finish what I’m doing and wait for whatever is about to be spoken in my gut. He says, “grab your journal if you need,” so I do because I keep it by me most of the time and begin to write. This is what I wrote, spoken to me from our Father,
“When you pray,
Don’t be afraid to offend Me.
With an open heart that
Beats of nothing but pure
Love for My people,
I will listen and grant you
Your every request.
A heart that beats to bring
Others to Me is of great design
and of purest intentions.
Don’t be afraid of the power of prayer.
Don’t be afraid to speak your mind.
Don’t hold back thoughts, feelings, concerns.
Show your emotions.
I am listening.
I am here.”
For those of you that are sitting back pointing the finger at God for this tragedy asking him why He let this happen, I pray that you are shakin and rattled by the power of Christ. I pray this so you will be open to His unconditional love. If you are asking him why He let’s things like this happen and what will He do to fix it, I ask that you go look in the mirror. Because in that mirror you will find your answer. You. You are the answer to things changing. He created you to glorify and praise Him. He created you to bring peace and love to your neighbor, this includes family, friends, strangers, everyone. You are the answer to making this world a better place. I pray the lies of the world are diminished and truth is restored, I pray this through Your Holy, Holy, loving name, Jesus Christ. We welcome you with open arms into our beautiful, lively home: Lafayette, Louisiana.