Valuable Truth

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“Your value doesn’t decrease by someone else’s inability to see your worth.”

 

I struggle with advocating for myself, and often times get haunted with thoughts of guilt when thinking to speak out. The inner critic can slam thoughts of condemnation of “You’re unworthy,” “You are ungrateful,” “You are being selfish.” In dealing with injustices, I may choose to take an easy way out and remain passive to avoid conflict and remain in comfort. This quote mentioned above came to mind when reflecting…and I started to wonder if this was a righteous way to think, or not, based off of what I know about God’s character. So I searched…these verses came to the surface so I thought I’d share.

 

“Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.” -Luke 12:6-7
1. Regardless of what “the world” says. You are valuable to God, which includes the uniqueness in your character and the gifts He blessed you with. He truly knows you.

 

“He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit,” -Titus 3:5
2. Although we are imperfect, God valued us enough to make a way by the sacrifice of Jesus and giving us the Holy Spirit. We can be present with Him in a our daily walk and be close to Him in every experience. We can embrace growth throughout every obstacle, knowing that transformation is taking place.

 

“Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”” -Hebrews 13:5
3. Gratitude is key to having that peace of mind when faced with injustices or “worldly obstacles.” It also can redirect ideas or thoughts to put justice in your own hands, knowing that God is with you, and can will work on your behalf.

 

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” -Jeremiah 29:11
4. We can be validated and confident in God’s provision, by trusting and holding on to His promises, no matter what is ahead. For his promise is to provide a future according to His will, which is good.

You see, before diving into the Word when struggling with my own thoughts, it wasn’t my value that decreased, but I experienced self-doubt, which affected the way I valued and viewed myself.

After exploring God’s word in viewing self-worth, the quote, “Your value doesn’t decrease by someone else’s inability to see your worth” is seen in a new light.

I can further add to this quote with newfound wisdom and can say:

Your value doesn’t decrease by someone else’s inability to see your worth, when your value is founded in truth.

Little Ladybug Lovers

I needed time to get my feet wet.
Just wanted to stop and smell the creek bed,
But you always go ahead of me.
I keep tripping on the rocks trying to catch up.

I get ahead when you stop to
Look at all the orange mushrooms,
And take a moment to think about
If you are present in this moment.

Abram’s Falls
Can have it all,
There’s nothing left,
Inside this chest.
Rushing waters,
Take the rest,
Of my soul.

Your shirt reads free,
And I know that’s what you long to be.
Only God knows why your still here with me.
I make a joke about getting high,
You shoot me a look that’s in your eyes.

Abram’s Falls
Can have it all,
There’s nothing left,
Inside this chest.
Rushing waters,
Take the rest,
Of my soul.

What are we searching for?
Is it the spirit between the pines?
The never ending road
Filled with gentle butterflies,
Or jagged stones.
We’ll never know.

Abram’s Falls
Can have it all,
There’s nothing left,
Inside this chest.
Rushing waters,
Take the rest,
Of my soul.

Let’s be like the little ladybug lovers,
Chasing each other.
Or like the river flowing,
In the evergreens,
Forever growing wild.

Abram’s Falls
Can have it all,
There’s nothing left,
Inside this chest.
Rushing waters,
Take the rest,
Of my soul.

Becoming Me

A stranger within

Refusing to dig within the walls of

Your very skin.

But how long must this go on?

Until your at the end

Of this cycle.

It must be so hard to look around,

And be so critical

Of yourself.

But tell me this…

Do you compare a work of art

To that of another?

Or do you admire it for what it is?

But what is it?

Can it be described?

Can you find the words to explain something so rich in depth…

Is it even meant to be understood,

Or was its purpose always to simply

Inspire.

To be loved for simply existing.

To not have an expectation to heal a wound inside your soul,

Or teach you a valuable lesson,

Or to earn a living,

Or provide some knowledge.

It was never meant to be used,

But just to be.

Glue

Lord, help me get back to reality.

I feel stuck inside this fog of memories,

That cut deeply to the core.

My words are stuck inside,

Can’t seem to find a reason.

I’m sorry sir, but I’m no fool,

I’ve just forgotten how to cope,

With the many insecurities

That wound.

So judge me with the eyes,

That deeply touch my soul…

Oh, damn I’ve burned the food again,

Must be too far down the well,

Inside my head.

That’s like balancing on a strand of frets.

My mind’s a web,

Like a sticky one the spider spins.

When a thought comes racing through,

It sticks to the road map like glue.

But I won’t apologize,

Even when I am so frail and needy.

Being close to you is what

Keeps me breathing.

I probably should call my mother,

Instead of wasting time

Sitting here thinking of so

Many reasons why.

Disconnection

I look through a window of

Loneliness

Wondering why I can’t come out

The hiding place

I peer out and look around

And I smile back

But sometimes

I get bitter

And question why it isn’t I

That can relax

And live a life

Without a care

Instead, if I let go

Something may break

But the only thing that ever breaks

Is me

But the wound

Experienced

Is never wasted,

Though each time

I have regret,

And break myself a little

More

You say, “how can I help?”

But deep down

I know

That those are empty

Words

That will float on

Like the balloon

In a cloudless sky

Never bringing back

The prayer that was sent out

So I stay here at the sill

Just waiting

To be seen

Mud

“My heart it just ain’t right,
But I try with my might.” -Elle King

Heard these lyrics in a song and they stung. But in a good way. I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling like my heart just ain’t right.. and sometimes it’s easy to recieve grace and move along.

Other times though, feelings of guilt, confusion, and insecurity take over. A sense of being lost as to how to get back on track creeps in. It sort of feels like a wheel that’s stuck in super thick mud.

However, thank God for the gift of wisdom and being able to be awakened by awareness of “the why”. Even when the answer doesn’t totally make sense….external circumstances are inevitable, but in the past being able to rise above situations out of my control and keep going was not a huge challenge.

This time has been different.

This overwhelming presence of resistance has sat into my heart that has been difficult to shake. With it, I’ve judged myself. I’ve felt guilty for being down, for not having the faith to just brush it off, and for telling myself I shouldn’t be in this place.

I’ve judged others for having these picture perfect lives without ever having to (in my mind) struggle.

I’ve held onto resentments from past offenses or unmet expectations that have literally made my body ache.

I’ve compared my life and progress with those who’s stories aren’t meant to be mine.

And through this I am learning that I am slowly losing myself.

Losing some joy,

Some hope,

Some direction,

Some love.

And my spirit has felt that wound.

But I am not alone in experiencing a heartsick experience like this.

And in order for healing to be welcomed there must be an acceptance of:

1. This is where I’m at and that’s ok.

2. My journey is my own, no one else’s.

3. Most things are out of my control.

4. In order to get this wheel moving once again, I’ll need some help.

There also needs to be a “letting go”.

1. I’ll need to let go of the gas pedal…

2. I’ll also have to be willing to remove the objects, thoughts, and limitations as to what got me stuck in the first place.

3. And finally, letting go of the expectations I place on myself and my relationships… the voice that tells me I should be in a different place that I am.

Because I know if my foot keeps flooring the gas the way things are going right now, I’ll make an even bigger mess. One that would make life messier for myself and everyone around me.

Yes, my heart ain’t right. But with my might, I try. I search. And for those that value the Word, it says to ask, seek, knock…We must “die to ourselves” in order to have the life Jesus led. Die to our need to control, to fix, to compare, to understand all, to judge and condemn. Die to the things that harden our hearts and prevent us from being our naturally, free selves.

Our hearts our sick. We don’t truly know what we are doing or who we are all the time. We don’t know how to handle this beautiful, messy life. We don’t know how to truly love one another. But we are more than capable of learning. Applying. Changing. Transforming. Not perfectly, but in a way that makes a stubborn wheel stuck in mud move a little further. We must be open. We must be humble to acknowledge this and accept spiritual direction from something greater than ourselves.

Lethargic

Muddy puddles,

So cold and flat.

When jumping in them,

They go splat.

Smoky rooms,

Inside my brain,

Squinty eyes that burn,

From strain.

Winding roads,

With no directions.

Getting lost,

Without intention.

The neighbors cat,

Has got my tongue.

Where are my words?

They never come.

What did you say?

Can you come again?

It seems as though,

I didn’t comprehend.

My feet are stuck,

In the quickest of sand.

With no desire to move,

And no desire to stand.